I had to be pretty...Aug 16, 2020
I had to be pretty and well behaved.
Seen but not heard.
Photographed but not listened to.
Dressed up but ignored.
All I wanted to be from the age of 15 was a psychologist.
They say if you want to be a psychologist, it's because you want to heal yourself.
Too right!!! I had SO much to heal, and I wanted to start ASAP!!! (And so I did as soon as I arrived in the UK, back in 1995, a whole quarter of a century ago!)
I still have all the books I collected from that age about psychology and psychoanalysis – I had a particular passion for Jung and Freud and for stories of survival and transformation. They allowed me to hope that I, too, would transform my inner world (and my outer world if possible!).
I remember a few years ago telling my mum how much I LOVED people's personal stories. She said she didn't see the point of them. She loves historical novels and pure history books, as well as general fiction and detective novels.
Each to their own, of course, and I do love a good novel, but personal transformational stories, THAT'S my passion.
And so it's not surprising that I help women write their personal stories and the books that explain WHY they do what they do, along with chapters about WHAT they actually do, their programme, course or/and philosophy.
As part of my Positive Intelligence coaching training, I have just done a childhood-picture visualisation. It brought tears to my eyes. We were asked to only think about the POSITIVES of that childhood, and I must say, it was hard, especially when looking at this picture (for all the reasons you can't actually see in that picture!). But by the end of the meditation/visualisation, I could see the beautiful essence of this young being. I CAN see it. And therefore by extension, I can see the beautiful essence of the adult me, of ME.
I look so happy in ALL the pictures I have from my childhood.
I was so good at pretending.
I was so good at making sure everyone would think I was a happy child and a good little girl. Because if I didn't, I would be forever left alone, or even thrown into the River Seine (of course, it would not have happened, but I felt so unloved, especially by my father, that it felt true and entirely possible).
Today, I send so much love to my little girl and I'm SO happy to have been a hypnotherapist, NLP, IEMT, EFT and Reiki practitioner, and a book doula, helping and supporting women emotionally in their lives, businesses and writing for 6 years now, and couples and their babies for 2 years before that. I got there eventually, at the grand old age of 36/38! And in a way, I am even MORE proud now than I would have been to be a psychologist say 20 years ago. All the modalities I use are so much more me! But I can't help thinking I would have been much much happier much much sooner if I had been left to choose my path much much earlier.
What does YOUR little girl need to hear?
What path did YOU have to choose when you wanted to take a different one?